Whod you bang
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
