I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
