i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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