i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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