p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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