I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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