Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
