tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
