Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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