we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
