well you can't waste a boner
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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