I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
