I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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