Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
