There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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