am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
