tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
