come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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