idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
