Redeem this text for a blowjob
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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