I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
