There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
