I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
