Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
