he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
