What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
