wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Never underestimate the power of titties
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
