I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
