I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The air taste purple.
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