dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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