so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Found the puke drawer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
