I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
