we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
