tell your sister to shave her snatch
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
In other news, I just burned my penis
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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