If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
