k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
