I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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