So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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