im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
