Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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