I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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