You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
