so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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