The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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