Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
