Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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