What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
