ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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