My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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