You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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