he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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