im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
