i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
