i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
