New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
