i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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