Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
