walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
