No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
