I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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