Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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