home. puking in laundry basket.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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