I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
