my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
