I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
