About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
