I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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