Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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