I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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