Don't you send me to vm
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
