Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
