i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
