On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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