you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
